Episode 317: Reclaiming My Image — Visibility, Being Seen and The Self-Portrait Challenge
What happens when you stop bracing at your own reflection—and start seeing yourself clearly for the first time?
In this solo, deeply personal follow-up to Episode 316, I share what actually happened when I joined The Self-Portrait Challenge with visibility mentor Lisa Haukom — and what it cracked open for me.
What began as an experiment in iPhone photography quickly became a process of unpacking why I’ve spent most of my life flinching at photos of myself to softening old stories, letting go of performance, and reclaiming how I see myself now.
You’ll hear me share:
The quiet grief of no longer recognizing your body
The power of documenting (not performing)
How representation—especially as an Asian women—isn’t just about visibility, but self-trust
Why learning to love photos of yourself isn’t about vanity—it’s about recognition
Whether you're in your thirties, forties, fifties or beyond, if you’ve ever felt invisible in your own life or body, this one’s for you.
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“ I’m accepting how my body has changed, not just in how it looks, but also in how it feels, and I’m learning to meet it with curiosity and not critique. If this sounds like giving up, it’s not. It’s about showing up as I am now. It’s about staying with yourself long enough to just soften the judgment. It’s self-recognition, especially for those of us who never got that growing up.”
Read the Transcript:
If you've ever looked at a photo of yourself and thought, “I don't even recognize me anymore”, my friend, this episode is for you.
But before we get to this episode, I want to do the ritual I shared in Episode 315: 3 things that are fun/joyful, 3 things that are kind and three things that I did well or love about myself
Fun/Joyful Taking baking and cooking classes - this past week I took another class with Chef Laura, who’s joining me on an upcoming episode and learned how to make a fruit galette Baseball season Relaxed Girl Walks
Kind The neighbors and strangers who we wave to each other and say hello on my Relaxed Girl Walks It reminds me that there are still kind people in this world Helped a co-worker on a project not because it was an assignment just because he needed help and I could help him Just because texts - ones I send and ones sent to me
What I Did Well / Like About Myself Took a complete rest day - struggle with no knowing when enough is enough On a 500-day streak of learning French on Duolingo The Self-Photo Challenge - what we’re here to talk about today
In the last episode, Episode 316, I was joined by Lisa Haukom, who's the founder of The Self-Portrait Method and the No More Bad Photos program, where you don't just learn how to take better photos with your camera, you also learn how to love the photos of yourself just as you are now.
I first heard about Lisa and her work on a podcast. I was driving home from a hair appointment and listened to Lisa share how she put herself through her own 30-day Self-Portrait Experiment of how she took a photo of herself every day for 30 days.
The 1st Profile Line in me was so curious about it and needed to hear more, and my 3rd Profile Line wanted to experience it for myself.
I turned 50 last December, and my 50-year old body is not the same as my 30-year old body or my 40-year old body was. It’s strange because once you hit a certain age, for me, I’d say it was 46 or 47, it all hits you.
Years of burnout, overtraining, high stress--even with my best efforts to stay as healthy as possible, plus no doubt, perimenopause and genetics--all of it has taken its toll.
It's been hard to no longer be able to shop off the rack and have clothes fit me without having to try them on. It used to be so easy and quick to just walk into a store, pick out something I like and get it, knowing it would just fit. I can't do that anymore. I’ve had to learn how to dress myself all over again.
It's frustrating to workout literally almost daily--not because I feel like I “have to”, but because I genuinely enjoy it. But it's been maddening to work out almost every day and every time I start finding my inner athlete again, an injury sets me back.
This is really what gets me -- I miss feeling like an athlete again. I don't care about size or weight; it’s not being able to move and feel like an athlete has been difficult for me. And that’s what makes seeing photos of myself so cringy because when I see photos of me, I don't see the athlete that I was—that I am.
When I heard Lisa talk about being tired of taking 50 photos to find one semi-decent one to post, that line got me. It moved something in me. I felt seen, because that's exactly what I was doing. And at this point in my life, I'm tired of hiding in photos. I'm tired of hiding from photos. I'm tired of nitpicking my photos. I'm tired of performing. I'm tired of flinching, of grimacing, and bracing when I look at photos of myself.
As a Projector, I need recognition. Projector’s Strategy is to wait for invitations; well, that’s what recognition is – recognition is invitations. And being unable to recognize myself left me feeling bitter, and I knew that I needed to, that I wanted to do something about it,
And Lisa's work felt like the invitation I needed to stop disappearing from the frame.
Now, I don't think I shared this in Episode 316, but I tried to do a self-portrait experiment, like Lisa did, on my own. And it was terrible. I hated every single attempt because I didn't know how to take good photos and by that I don't mean I didn't like how I looked, I meant I didn't know how to set up the shot and use my camera properly.
That’s what I’m learning to do in Lisa’s Photo Club and programs. Listen, smartphones are expensive, and they have really, good high-quality cameras in them and I feel like I’m not getting the most out of my phone and frankly, wasting opportunities by not learn how to use it properly to take good photos.
I’m taking you on a mini tangent right now, but I sometimes look at the hashtag #shotonaniPhone, and the photos are amazingly, ridiculously beautiful. And I always think, “Why can’t I take photos like that? If they can, I can too.” /Mini tangent.
So, I tried to do the self-portrait experiment on my own, it didn’t work out, and I knew that I needed help--guidance and support through the process.
So, I joined Lisa's Photo Club right when the next round of The Self-Portrait Challenge started. But instead of taking a photo every day for 30 days, there’s weekly prompts. For this round, there were six weekly prompts and we connected regularly in her online community and on weekly Zoom calls to walk through the prompts, share ideas, reflect on the past week of what was our favorite and least favorite photos, talk through our experiences, how it went, what we learned, what were our takeaways, tips for the next week, etc.
The first week's prompt was to take a black and white portrait. It was stressful. I didn’t think I had a good background - my home isn't what you would call Insta worthy, at least I don't think it is - you know what I mean by that.
And the rule of the Photo. Club is that you don’t talk about the Photo Club. Just kidding – the rule is that you don't use the selfie camera, meaning you don't use the front facing camera.
There’s scientific reasons about that, which Lisa has spoken of I won't go into here, but this is why it's called The Self-Portrait Challenge and not a selfie challenge.
I didn't know how to set up the shot, so half of the photos I took ended up where I was out of frame or partially out of frame. It was awkward and it took me a long time to take those photos.
But as the challenge went on, each week, I received tips from Lisa as well as the other incredibly supportive club members, most of whom had actually gone through this experiment before, but returned to it, because, as they say, there's something new to discover about yourself each time. And now having gone through it, I totally get it.
As the weeks went on, with each week, I slowly started to notice shifts in myself. The creative juices started flowing. I don't consider myself a creative person, at least in the traditional sense, but each week, as a new week's prompt rolled out, I found myself envisioning the shot that I wanted, where I wanted to take it, how I wanted it set up—if you’re curious about these shots, I’ll make a couple of Instagram posts with them so you can see my progression and, how much fun it was!
I found the Disco Bestie and Color Pop weeks particularly fun. If you know me, even just a little bit, you’ll know that I don’t have a “Disco Bestie” vibe in my body—nor my closet.
So, that week, I set-up the tripod, put on a silk robe and Ray Ban sunglass, climbed into bed, arranged shaggy throw pillows around me, and just started clicking. I tried poses that weren’t normally me, but you know what, they empowered me, and I had fun with it. did share some of those photos on my Instagram, and had so many comments and messages about them, because people weren’t used to seeing me like that but loved it. It was a fun experience.
But later that same evening, I was in my PJs, but hadn't washed off my makeup yet, so I thought, “Why not have a true disco bestie moment?” So, I put on some music - Oasis, of course, set-up my tripod, and started dancing, bouncing around my living room in my pajamas, while clicking away. Turns out, those photos were the ones that the group favored the most, because they said they were natural and were uninhibited. There was no posing, no posturing, no grimacing, no cheesing, no bracing, it was just me.
As the weeks went on, the process got easier and quicker. Instead of the two hours that the first week’s photo shoot took, by the end, I whittled it down to 30-minutes—max.
And I went from what felt like “performing” to documenting the moment, which I think is ultimately what we all aim for when taking photos, and especially when we show up on social media.
I hate to use the word “authentic”, because it feels like that word has been ruined from overuse, but you know what I mean--when someone shows up as documenting rather than being performative.
The last prompt of the challenge was to take a color portrait. We started Week One with taking a black and white portrait, and the last week - a color portrait.
It was during the last week that I realized that I stopped the internal scan of flaws in my photos. Sure, I have sunspots, and my skin has pigmentation, and for sure, I have a double chin, but I had a double chin when I was at my smallest size. It's genetic, there's no escaping it.
Sure, my body isn't the same as it was when I was 30 or when I was 40, but when I see photos of myself now, I’m not zeroing in on the laws-- it's freeing.
Here’s a funny story about my photo shoot taken that last week.
I planned to set myself up at a table next to a window at Joe and the Juice, because….
Okay, here's the thing - I don't have a regular table and chair in my house.
There’s my sofa, an office chair, a gaming chair, three benches – a workout bench, a bench at the foot of my bed, and a bench in the entry way, a stool, and a meditation pillow. I don’t have a regular chair, but I wanted to take photos sitting in a chair at a table. Hence, my plan to go to Joe and the Juice because the vibe is chill and there’s a lot of space.
Except, when I went to Joe and the Juice, I found it closed, and I was stumped about what to do instead. I wandered around town looking for a substitute location and didn’t find one. In addition, it was a hot day, and I was wearing a sweater. I was hot, thirsty and annoyed. I decided to go home and figure it out later, but as I was walking back to my car, I passed by an apartment building with a solid wall painted bluish gray. I thought, “This might actually work with my berry-colored sweater!”
So, I set-up my tripod and started snapping photos. It was fun, and I felt proud of myself for doing this in public. People were walking by, cars were driving by but it didn’t bother me—it doesn't bother me anymore.
But when I got home and really looked at the photos, they weren’t the best. There was a weird tint on them, and embarrassingly enough, I didn't blend my makeup well. I shared the photos with a friend who said, “Go back and take them again tomorrow.”
So, that’s what I did. I put on the same sweater, went back the next day and took the same better photos. It took me 20-minutes max, and turned out to be my favorite ones. In fact, one of them is now my Instagram profile photo.
The whole experience was so much fun. Listen, I’m not camera shy. I love having my photo taken. But I hated looking at them after I took them. But now? I don't zero in on my perceived flaws anymore.
And I find that this shift has carried over into what I see when I look at other people's photos. Instead of zoning into what I perceive their flaws to be, now, I'm looking at the photo, how it was set up and what’s so complementary about them.
In my Human Design, I have an Outer Vision Cognition. Cognition is our strongest sense, so with mine being “Outer Vision,” what I see is really important to me, and after this experience, it feels like my Outer Vision Cognition has come alive.
Now, I didn’t plan it this way, but, by chance, this episode drops on the last Tuesday in May and May is Asian American Pacific Islander Heritage Month. As an Asian American who grew up in the Pacific Islands, I’d like to share this part that’s an important part of my story.
Growing up on a small island in the Pacific, my formative years were quite isolated. There weren’t shopping malls, franchise businesses, movie theaters, and of course, this was long before smartphones, the internet or social media.
I always felt like I was missing out on something and longed for more. I wanted to be somewhere else, where there were more things going on. Now that I know that I have an External Markets Environment in my Human Design, it makes so much sense. While a Markets Environment doesn’t necessarily mean urban settings, it does mean thriving in places with a lot of options, a lot of things going on.
So, my connection to the world was through magazines. I was and still am a voracious magazine reader. That was my connection to pop culture, the latest trends, everything!
But Seventeen and Teen Magazines, because there was no Teen Vogue back then, didn't have people who looked like me in their magazines. Their beauty tips and styling didn’t feature people who look like me.
This lack of representation is a way of not being seen leaves the unrepresented feel invisible. It leaves an impact, and I say this from firsthand experience of feeling this myself - feeling invisible, not seen.
Why do we assume that what works for one will work for everyone. This has been the ultimate message of my work for the past decade – from bio-individuality in health coaching to Human Design.
We all need and deserve to feel seen.
And only now, at 50 years old, can I connect that I’ve carried the feeling of not being seen since I was a teenager.
In fact, it was just a couple of weeks ago, I watched an Instagram reel by an Asian Canadian makeup artist who explained that conventional makeup brushes simply don’t work for monolid eyelids, that are prominent with Asians, me included, because the brush is simply too big for area on our monolid eyes that we have to work with. I kid you not, it was the first time I felt seen.
I almost cried for the teenage me, heck, the me from two weeks prior so was so frustrated that I could never apply eyeshadow in a way that felt right for me. I needed smaller, specialized brushes, which I got, which makes a huge difference! I finally felt seen!
And that’s what The Self-Portrait Challenge has also done for me.
It's been a reclaiming of my image as an act of softness and an act of power. It's been empowering.
Listen, it's not about loving every single photo of yourself. It's about learning to stop hating what you see. It's learning to stop hating what you look like. It's stopping the grimacing, the bracing, taking 50 photos, deleting 49 and keeping the one that is semi decent.
And now that I'm 50, I'm accepting how my body has changed, not just in how it looks, but also in how it feels, and I'm learning to meet it with curiosity and not critique. If this sounds like giving up, it's not. It's about showing up as I am now. It's about staying with yourself long enough to just soften the judgment.
It's self-recognition, especially for those of us who never got that growing up.
Now my challenge to you is to take a photo of yourself today. Not a selfie, turn the camera around and use the back-facing camera. No filters. No five angles. Just one honest moment.
Because you don't need to change anything. You just need to see what's already there. Tag me and DM me with your photos, because I'd love to witness you too.
Thank you so much for listening. I will include links to everything mentioned in this episode in the show notes that you can find that live fab life.com/ 317 for Episode 317, and I’ll see you right here again next time. Bye for now!
Naomi Nakamura is a Health x Human Design coach who’s creating a healthier society through aligned energy.
She blends a bespoke mix of Functional Nutrition and Human Design to help others shift into alignment to leverage and correctly manage their energy to support their body, mind, and spirit.
She believes that when we embrace our authenticity and lean into our bio-individuality, we naturally live a life of freedom, empowerment, and optimal health.
Naomi resides in the San Francisco Bay Area and can often be found exploring the area with her puppy girl, Coco Pop!
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