Episode 154: Redefining Balance with Boundaries
Work-life balance is an argument of the ages, but is there a universal solution to it? Listen in as I go through the varying definitions of balance, differing perspectives, and an alternative approach to bringing harmony into your daily life.
By the end of the episode, I’ll walk you through different questions to ask yourself, all of which will hopefully lead you to figure out what work-life balance can look like for you.
Episode Highlights:
Defining and perspectives of balance
Assessing priorities and boundaries
Questions to ask to determine what work-life balance can look like for you
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Mentioned in the Episode:
New Workshop: Six Reasons You’re Tired All the Time...and How to Quickly Get Your Energy Back - for good
Episode 121: Understanding Your Priorities & Establishing Boundaries in the Workplace
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“My perception of balance is to support your priorities while still holding steady with everything else. I don’t believe that it’s about trying to do everything at the same time with the same amount of effort.”
Read the Transcript:
Hello, my friend, and welcome back to The Live FAB Life Podcast. I'm your host, Naomi Nakamura, and I am just so happy to be back here with you again this week. Today, we are going to be talking about a topic that has been top of mind for me for a little while now. And with it being the start of another year, I think it's as good a time as any to have a conversation about it.
And it's the perception of balance, particularly around work-life balance.
It was five, almost six years ago, I was in nutritional school to become a Certified Integrative Health Coach. And I was thinking about what I should name my health coaching practice. I thought about just using my name. But a friend of mine, who was a marketing executive, didn't think it was the best choice simply because people might have trouble spelling my last name.
So during that thought process I kept coming back to what prompted me to get into this work and why I was pursuing health coaching.
And at that time, I was still in the depths of coming to terms with overtraining and adrenal fatigue, which has been a huge part of my story. And that whole experience really was the catalyst, the trigger, the turning point for me in my health and ultimately choosing to go to nutrition school.
And I was just coming to terms with the fact that I had overtrained and that overtraining was a real thing. That there is such a thing as too much exercise not being good for you, that it can actually be harmful to your health. I couldn't help but feel so much guilt and remorse thinking, “I did this to myself.”
If only I had listened to my running coach and personal trainer, both who told me they thought I was doing too much. But you know, I had no idea that too much exercise would be a bad thing. So when they were telling me this, I just kind of laughed and brushed them off. But I had just wished I had taken a more balanced approach.
And thus, the name “Live FAB Life” was born with “FAB” being an acronym for “fit and balanced.”
Now, things have evolved over the years, and for a while I was like, “Hey, it could stand for “functional and balance” Since that I’ve studied functional nutrition and wholeheartedly embraced this approach.
And there's been a few other ideas I had about it, but the one consistent word that has always remained is “balanced.”
So as I mentioned, over the past few months, I’ve really been thinking about this word “balance” and what it means to me and if work-life balance is possible.
I've had a lot of deep thoughts about, what balance means to me?
Now, throughout my career, as you know that I have a full-time job in the tech industry, I’ve listened to executive after executive say that work-life balance isn’t realistic. That it's not possible, and to throw that idea out the window.
And you know what, I don't believe that to be true. I believe that work-life balance is possible.
Because you see, my perception of balance is to support your priorities while still holding steady with everything else. I don't believe that it’s about trying to do everything at the same time with the same amount of effort.
If that's what your idea of work-life balance is, then yeah, it's likely not going to be possible for you.
But if there's one lesson that 2020 has taught me, it’s to align my motor actions with my intentions and my priorities. So motor actions are our daily habits - what we do every day.
If what I'm doing every single day, through my daily habits aligns with, and supports what my priorities and intentions are, I think I'm in a pretty good place. I think I'm probably feeling pretty balanced.
And, you know, this is something that I've learned through the Ground space meditation circle that I attend weekly. My weekly participation, showing up for myself weekly, has really reinforced this lesson to me, so that it's not just something that I remember as an afterthought, or just once a week or it's just a floating idea of “Okay, I really should do that more often.”
It's been something that through regular practice, I've been able to keep on the forefront of my mind, and I've actively been able to work on slowly but surely, and bring myself into alignment with it.
Like I said, I've spent a lot of time thinking about this and it’s really helped me reframe what I do every day. In other words, it's helped me to reframe my daily habits.
So if my intention and my priority is to manage my stress, especially with the year we're coming out of, so that I can get better sleep, (long-time listeners know that sleep has been something I've struggled with for decades), am I doing every single day, what I need to do to support that to manage my stress so that I can sleep better?
Or, am I staying up late, binge-watching Netflix, or working on a work project late into the night? That certainly doesn't support it.
Am I moving my body every day to help release some of that stress and tension?
Am I leaning into my Human Design, as another way to release tension?
Are my motor actions, what I'm doing every day, aligning with my priorities and intentions?
And so in a roundabout way, that's what balance means to me. Because when we're living, on a day-to-day basis, in a way that supports our priorities and intentions, how can you be out of balance?
There is a quote that Gregg Renfrew, our Beautycounter CEO often says, that I really like. She says, “You can have it all, but maybe not all at once.”
And here's the thing, our priorities, they will shift from time-to-time, from season-to-season. This time of year, at the start of the new year, it feels like everyone's priority is to get healthy.
So health becomes their priority. And likely their family is a priority to especially just coming off of the holidays. But you know, six months from now, work might be your priority, or, it’ll be in the summertime, so your summer vacation might be your priority. It's certainly going to be mine.
So whatever your priorities are at the moment, embrace them, be okay with them, don't feel guilty about them.
But, and this is the key to balance, be steady with everything else.
You don't have to put as much effort into those other things as you are into your priorities right now. But if you can maintain that steadiness, I think that's the key here.
So you may be in a season of putting more time and energy and resources into your home life, but you can still show up for your work life and hold steady with it. It may not be at that high operating level that it would be if that were your priority instead, but that's okay. That’s balance.
Because balance is a relative, according to each and every one of our perceptions of it.
My idea of balance might be vastly different from yours, right? My idea of balance is vastly different from executive after executive that I've worked for.
And why wouldn't it be? We're all unique people, we all have unique ideas. We all have our own life experiences. And as such, we all have our own perceptions. And I really think we should actually embrace this diversity instead of comparing ourselves to others.
Because all that does is causes problems. It's a detriment to our psyche. So the idea that there's such a thing as “perfect balance,” well there might be.
It's all relative.
The idea that work-life balance is impossible, well if you believe that based on how you define balance, then that's your reality, and it's true for you.
But it's definitely not true for me. And I don't think it doesn't have to be for you, if that's something that you're looking to understand and incorporate more into your life.
So I have four points of things that have come to know.
#1 - Balance is an extremely personal thing. It looks different for each person, and even with each person is going to look different from season-to-season.
#2 - In order to know what the ideal balance is for you, you need to be very clear on what your priorities currently are so that you can realistically know what you can commit to and what you need to hold steady on, and then be okay with that.
#3 - Clearly communicate your priorities and intentions to those who are going to be impacted by it. Establish those boundaries and manage those expectations. Everyone wins when you do that.
#4 - Commit to whatever it is that you've prioritized, and communicate it. Because here's the thing - once you communicate and establish your boundary, it’s your responsibility to uphold it. If you don't respect your own priorities, you can’t expect anyone else to as well, because you just sent mixed messages. And if your boundaries aren't respected as a result of you not upholding them, then you can't get upset if someone else crosses those boundaries, too, because you opened the door to allow that to happen.
So short episode this week, but before I close, I want to leave you with some questions to ponder.
#1 - What is your perception of balance? How do you define it?
It might take you a long time to think about that, it's definitely taken me a long time. Spend some time putting some deep thought into it.
#2 - If you struggle with work-life balance, why?
And perhaps this third question will help you with that.
#3 - What are your priorities and intentions? Do your motor actions support them?
There is an episode that I published early last year, where a colleague joined me on the show, and we had a very deep discussion on understanding priorities and establishing boundaries, particularly in the workplace.
That episode goes hand-in-hand with understanding what's your perception of balance, and it's Episode 121, which I will link to in the show notes for this episode that you'll find at www.livefablife.com/154.
Why am I talking about this? Because our work has such a huge role in our life, and such an impact on our health.
We spend so much time working, it can give us the biggest sense of accomplishment, but it can also be the biggest source of stress, especially when we're out of alignment with what our priorities and intentions are.
So when you can bring yourself into alignment with what you do, then finding balance through prioritization, while holding steady will feel so much more manageable and doable.
That’s it for this week. I hope I've given you some things to think about. Like I said, I've spent a lot of time these past few months thinking about this topic too.
I’ll see you right back here again next time. Thank you so much for listening. Bye.
Naomi Nakamura is a Functional Wellness & Human Design Coach. She helps women who struggle with stress, fatigue, and burnout find freedom and empowerment by optimizing their health, finding balance, and upgrading their energy so they can live life on their own terms.
Combining her diverse professional background, and her unique approach integrates Functional Nutrition and Human Design she guide clients on a highly individualized journey of self-discovery, observation, and integration by removing physical, mental, and emotional confusion and overwhelm, simply taking them back to the very basics of health through their Human Design.
She believes that when our bodies function optimally, our personalities and souls can shine through everything that we think and do with empowering clarity and ease.
Naomi resides in the San Francisco Bay Area and can often be found exploring the area with her puppy girl, Coco Pop!
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