Episode 220: Developing Self-Trust and Leadership through Human Design and Intuitive Eating with Melinda Staehling
Joining me in Episode 220 is Melinda Staehling. Melinda joined me way back in Episodes 041 on meditation and 046 on gray-area drinking. Since then, in true Manifesting Generator form, she’s made a complete career change going from a career in the restaurant industry to now as a Clinical Nutritionist and NASM personal trainer.
My curiosity was piqued when Melinda recently started a book club on Intuitive Eating. I’ve always been fascinated with Intuitive Eating because I didn’t know how to trust my intuition enough to practice it. I didn’t have the self-confidence to trust myself and my decision-making.
In this episode you'll hear us discuss:
What is Intuitive Eating
As a clinical nutritionist, why she advocates it
Intuition x Intuitive Eating
The relationship between intuition and Human Design
How we can develop self-trust and step into a self-leadership role through Intuitive Eating and Human Design
Listen to the Episode:
Mentioned in the Episode:
Episode 041: How to Start A Meditation Practice with Melinda Mrachek Staehling
Episode 046: Gray-Area Drinking and Sobriety with Melinda Mrachek Staehling
Episode 211: Addressing Skin Issues with Functional Nutrition and Human Design
FREE GUIDE: Your Human Design, Discovered
Connect with Melinda Staehling:
Share the Episode:
“One of the hardest parts about starting this book club was, for me, not being the expert, but realizing that we could all be there and hold space for each other. Everybody came with that authority of their own life and they’re there for a reason. It’s not a counseling program. It’s for people to explore their own feelings and learn some things about themselves. For me, I realized, “Oh, I can just sort of give it up and see what happens and let it unfold.””
Read the Transcript:
Naomi Nakamura: Hey there, and welcome back to the Live FAB Life Podcast. I'm your host, Naomi Nakamura Nakamura, and I'm excited today to be joined by returning guest and my good friend, Melinda Staehling Staehling.
Melinda first joined me all the way back in Episode 041 on how to start a meditation practice, and then again in Episode 046 on gray area drinking and sobriety, which to no one's surprise continues to be a popular episode today.
Since then, it's been about two or three years since we recorded those episodes, Melinda's done a complete career change going from alcohol sales to becoming a clinical nutritionist. She recently completed her master's degree in clinical nutrition, and she's working towards her board of certification.
Recently, Melinda started a book club, a book club on Intuitive Eating, and it piqued my curiosity because at the root of intuitive is intuition, and so much of Human Design is really rooted in intuition. It's about learning how to trust ourselves so that we gain confidence in the decisions that we make.
So I wanted to have a conversation with Melinda about Intuitive Eating as a clinical nutritionist, how she came to focus in on that topic, how she came to start her book club, and then we talk also a lot about self-trust and leaning into that intuition and how, at the end of the day, it helps us step into a role of self-leadership and why self-leadership important, not only in our nutrition but in our overall health and how we care for ourselves.
So, with that, let's get to the show.
Hello, my friend. Welcome back to the show.
Melinda Staehling: Hello.
Naomi Nakamura: It has been a while since you've been on. I think, I looked this up. The last time you're on was back in Episode 046 in July 2018, and that was a conversation we had on gray area drinking.
Melinda Staehling: Oh my gosh. I know, I've been thinking about previous episodes and I'm like, "Wow." I'm still really into the topics from both of those episodes, from meditation and gray area drinking.
Naomi Nakamura: Being that it's in like two-and-a-half years, what have you been up to?
Melinda Staehling: Well, I'm still meditating and I'm still not drinking.
Naomi Nakamura: Well that's good.
Melinda Staehling: Yes. We've had a whole pandemic. I got a master's degree in nutrition, and I just got back from personal training some clients. I don't think I was the trainer when we talked last. Well, you and I have talked, but on the show. That's about it.
Naomi Nakamura: Which is a lot. I mean, you are now like licensed board certified clinical nutritionist. Melinda Staehling: Well, I'm working on that. I'm working-
Naomi Nakamura: Okay.
Melinda Staehling: On getting, yeah. I'm working on my credential right now. So I'm in a supervision program this year. So for the credential I'm working on, the certified nutrition specialist, you need a master's degree, which [crosstalk 00:03:09]-
Naomi Nakamura: You have.
Melinda Staehling: I got that, and then you need a thousand hours of supervised practice [crosstalk 00:03:15]-
Naomi Nakamura: And that's what you're working on now.
Melinda Staehling: That's what I'm doing now, and then you take a board exam and then you move on from there. So- Naomi Nakamura: Cool. Must be very, very exciting.
Melinda Staehling: It is exciting.
Naomi Nakamura: So, you recently shared on social media, which full disclosure: we are friends in real life, but we really keep up-
Melinda Staehling: We [crosstalk 00:03:34]-
Naomi Nakamura: With each other's lives through social media, like everyone else, but you recently shared on social media that you are starting an Intuitive Eating book club, and it really piqued my interest because I have a lot of questions and I have a lot of thoughts around intuitive eating. Let's just level set because you've asked me to clarify many times that-
Not the Intuitive Eating expert, but you are starting this book club and you do have a really deep, impassioned interest in this. So I really want to get into it, but first, well, I guess my first two questions is, can you explain to us what is intuitive eating?
Because I have my own interpretation of it based upon headlines I've read and social media posts I've seen, but I have not done any, like pick up the book and read or done any experimentation on my own, at least not in a deep, meaningful way, but as you explained in some prep conversations we had, it's actually a trademarked name of a program or a book.
So, there's different ways to refer to it. We can refer to it in the context of "this is the trade name of this program," much like the way you have like the Atkins diet or Whole30, like those are trademark names, but then you also just have the general concept of eating intuitively.
So based upon your experience, I would like to hear how you interpret it, and then as a clinical nutritionist, or soon-to-be a clinical nutritionist, why interest in that?
Melinda Staehling: Yeah, I think that's such a good two-part question.
So first, I started the book club because I was how having a little bit of difficulty getting through the book that we're using, the Intuitive Eating workbook. I was having a little trouble getting through it on my own-
Naomi Nakamura: Is, oh. Are you like studying it through your training?
Melinda Staehling: Not, you know, the training that I'm in and the supervisors that I work with, I work with the supervision program called Clinician's Incubator, and they all work in the Intuitive Eating model and they work in a weight neutral model, which is really, really different than the functional medicine, typical model that I went to school for, and I chose this supervision program specifically because I wanted a new experience, and that is definitely what I'm getting.
So, let's just talk about Intuitive Eating as this program-
Naomi Nakamura: As the trademarked program.
Melinda Staehling: Yes.
Naomi Nakamura: Okay.
Melinda Staehling: Intuitive Eating, capital "I," capital "E," you know, so Intuitive Eating was started in 1995 by two registered dieticians, Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch, and they were dieticians that were trained, you know, as dieticians are in a very weight-centric approach, and then they realized as they got out of school and into practice, that model wasn't really working for their clients because people would go on diets, and as they do, would come back a few years later and feel like the diet had failed them, and they didn't want to continue that path. They wanted something different, and to start looking at more interception, more signals of hunger and fullness, and all of those ideas, and also to look at the research and say, "Why is dieting failing people? Why are people going on diets and ending up gaining more weight than where they started, and why are we living in this society that has so much anti-fatness that people have to go on diets to begin with?"
So they created this model, and it's been revised over the years, and you can go and become certified as a Intuitive Eating practitioner, and a lot of people run groups and all that, but I came to it a few years ago, and like a lot of people, I started reading some of the principles of Intuitive Eating, and I said, "Nope, that is not for me," you know?
Naomi Nakamura: I'm curious, why?
Melinda Staehling: Maybe like you, and I know your listeners have listened to a lot of your health journey, but I have some health conditions. I have some diagnoses and other conditions where I have needed to eat in a particular way, and I was also just socialized like the rest of us and said, "Oh, we all need to follow this model where we either are on a diet off a diet for the rest of our lives." So I had so many preconceived notions how Intuitive Eating like, "Oh, that can't be for a person that doesn't eat gluten or that has a dairy sensitivity, or that has an autoimmune disease."
So for a long time, I was very hesitant to even look at Intuitive Eating as a model for me, and then I started working with more and more people and seeing, you know, both in the client practitioner relationship and under the supervision program, and just seeing how helpful it was and how it was one way into exploring diet culture and exploring my own relationship to food, and how it wasn't as rigid as it seemed like on social media. You know when you see something on Instagram and everybody has to have like their hot take and it has to be-
Naomi Nakamura: Yes.
Melinda Staehling: So binary, you know?
Naomi Nakamura: Yes.
Melinda Staehling: So I realized it wasn't really like that at all. So-
Naomi Nakamura: Sorry. It reminds me of this commercial on TV right now that, I don't know if you've seen it, but it's like, I don't even know what company it is, but it's like some financial advice company, and they're trying to convince this baby who's like the financial like guru, to come and help people, and he doesn't want it because he's living the forest and they're like, "People are getting advice from memes, financial advice from memes," and he's like, "All right, I'm there to help people." What you just said made me think of that. Sorry.
Melinda Staehling: Yes, and people are getting their nutrition advice from memes, you know? Just the same. So, and sometimes that can be helpful and sometimes it just sets us up in the same black-and-white model that we've been in for a long time-
Naomi Nakamura: Yeah. If you don't take the time to actually like dig deeper and then also learn a little bit more but internalize what it means for you.
Melinda Staehling: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I have a lot of people that are colleagues of mine and they have been for a long time, and they are not interested in working with the Intuitive Eating model. So it was partially, you know, curiosity, and the other part, just seeing how people really responded to this work.
So, I was trying to work through, here's the original Intuitive Eating book, and then they also have a workbook that's much more practical. You know, it has a lot of prompts, it has a lot of questions, you know, little check boxes that you can fill out. It has assessments that you can take.
So, I was doing that on my own, and I just felt like I was in my own little box. So I thought, "Why not start this book club and see who wants to join in and go through the process with some other people together?" So we've had two meetings and it's been super, super great.
Naomi Nakamura: Awesome.
Melinda Staehling: Yeah.
Naomi Nakamura: So, are you following the program as it's intended or are you taking liberties with being not so binary and incorporating some of the things that intuitively you've learned on your own? And I say that with the caveat about, we learn intuitively about things for ourselves, but those things may not necessarily be right for others. Like intuitive eating, to me, is based upon the word "intuition." So we have to have that self-trust, which I really want to get into, you know, trusting what we know to be right for us and trusting our cues, and then as we're able to do that, we step into this role of self-leadership.
Melinda Staehling: I think what you just said is so much what the program is about. The program does turn on its head so many of the things that we've subscribed to in the past, and I say "we" just meaning you and I because we've, you know, if you've done a diet like the Whole30 where there's a list of "yes" and "no" foods, you know, that's sort of giving away a lot of authority to someone else.
Naomi Nakamura: Yeah.
Melinda Staehling: And this program really begins with, the first principle of Intuitive Eating is reject the diet mentality, you know? So for a lot of people that have either been on and off weight loss diets or prescriptive food diets, that's a big deal and that might take a long, long time, you know? [crosstalk 00:11:29]-
Naomi Nakamura: Right. So I guess that's my, well, one of my questions, is, can anyone start Intuitive Eating? And I know the answer is yes. How do I want to explain this?
Melinda Staehling: Can I maybe-
Naomi Nakamura: Do you kind of know where I'm going with this?
Melinda Staehling: Can I maybe offer one thing that I heard from one of my supervisors-
Naomi Nakamura: Yes.
Melinda Staehling: That I think was a really a good answer to that question? When I asked that same question, she said, "If you can feel your own hunger and fullness cues, like there's some potential for you to be involved with this work if you want to."
Naomi Nakamura: Okay. So let me share where I'm coming from with that question.
Melinda Staehling: Sure.
Naomi Nakamura: I think about people in my life that I know who I am related to who have multiple autoimmune conditions in advanced stages, who come from another generation, and to them, eating healthy means not eating at all. So, very much diet mentality, but what they're actually putting in their body, I don't think nourishing for the state of their bodies. So does there need to be some practice of doing some type of diet first? You know how you don't know something is right for you until you do the opposite of it? Like you don't know if it's right until you know what's wrong. Do you think that it is more impactful for people who have gone down and done those programs or had a habit of being on and off diets as opposed to someone who's never done anything like that before, which I understand is very hard to somebody these days, but consciously to step into something like this? Does that make sense?
Melinda Staehling: It makes total sense, and I think, again, I'm just like catching, not the expert here, but I think my answer would be, it would be so highly individualized if actually, if somebody had a diagnosed health condition, the very, very last principle of Intuitive Eating that you would learn if you were going straight through in the workbook style would be "honor your health with gentle nutrition," you know, instead of such a prescriptive way that maybe we've learned in the past, but if somebody has something say, you know, Type 2 diabetes or an autoimmune condition, of course they might need to do things a little bit differently.
So I think the program itself respects that, that everybody's different and might need to work in pieces of that a little sooner, whereas someone that was coming from maybe more of a cycle of chronic dieting and wanting to look at body and that was their main motivation might go through the program in a more linear fashion.
Naomi Nakamura: Interesting, and I bring that up because as you know, I recently myself diagnosed with this whole like atopic dermatitis, which is definitely immune-system related. Like you I've done Whole30. I actually was only able to do it once because I found it too restrictive, but that first time I did, it was back in, I think it was 2012 or 2013, and my motivation for doing that was to see how it could improve my athletic advantage, because those were the days when I was doing marathon training and I wanted to see how it could help me improve that way. It was too restrictive for me to ever do again, and I've only ever done it once.
That being said, you know, in my healing journey, I've done [inaudible 00:14:39] because my digestion was so bad with [inaudible 00:14:43], but at the same time, you get into this fear of like, you're so afraid to reintroduce foods because you get to this point where your symptoms are so, you know, they're finally relieved that you're afraid to reintroduce something because you're afraid that it's all going to come back again. So that's where I think really toning in or honing into your intuition and understanding your cues, it's a lot. It takes a lot of self-observation and then getting into a place of self-trust, which it sounds like this provide the framework to do that.
Melinda Staehling: I think it provides a framework, and, you know, just hearing you talk about that brought up so many of my own past explorations with food and using food as either a tool to heal or a crutch, or all of those things, and I'm not sure if there was a point in my food history where I was so traumatized by food, if this would've been the path forward for me, and, you know, everything happens for a reason and you can find the right time for different things because I think, like I look back at my relationship with food and when I had those horrible histamine issues, I don't think Intuitive Eating would've been something, that just would've been a really-
Naomi Nakamura: It would've been more stress on top of what you were already dealing with.
Melinda Staehling: Yeah, yeah. When [crosstalk 00:15:57]-
Naomi Nakamura: That's kind of where I'm at right now.
Melinda Staehling: Yeah. When you're reacting to everything-
Naomi Nakamura: Yes.
Melinda Staehling: You know, and then, so I think that-
Naomi Nakamura: As I sit here scratching [crosstalk 00:16:05].
Melinda Staehling: Each framework serves a purpose, you know, and maybe we need pick and choose. I think this is one, again, this just started a while ago and they have looked at the framework and updated over the years, but there's a lot of things that are left out and, you know, maybe people might have deep trauma and it's more, like going to see a therapist might be more healing for somebody than focusing on these cues, or maybe you could do both of those things at the same time-
Naomi Nakamura: Yeah, and I guess that's really- Kind of where I'm at now, is that, again, it's a program with rules, right? So I guess I'm kind of at the point where-
Melinda Staehling: Principles. Not rules-
Naomi Nakamura: Okay, principles-
Melinda Staehling: Yeah.
Naomi Nakamura: But at the same time framework, right? Framework you work-
Melinda Staehling: Framework, yeah.
Naomi Nakamura: I guess I'm at the point now where I'm like, I want to learn about things and you know, and Human Design, that's like my one line. My deep curiosity and my third line wants to experiment, but then I'm also like, "Take what you need, leave what you don't," you know, and I think that changes as we go through different experiences in our lives. Like you talked about your histamine things. So obviously with my skin issues right now, there is a histamine element with all of the-
That's involved in the burning and all that, and, you know, I don't want to have to avoid histamine foods. I don't want to have to avoid a lot of the foods that I have to, but, you know, in trying to eat certain things and actually pinpointing, you know, "After I eat this, I have a flare. If I don't eat it, then things are stable for a little bit," like pinpointing those things, and it's stressful on top of the stress you're already figuring out to figure out how to do that, but at the same time, it is helping me tune into clues that I maybe have gotten out of the habit of just after a few years of feeling okay.
Melinda Staehling: Yeah, and I think that, you know, some of the things you said there just about having to pinpoint foods, that's a tough spot to be in and something that, you know, I think so many of us have been either gaslit by the medical community or ourselves, and we question whether we are even, you know, if these foods are reacting to, and then we possibly go take a food sensitivity test and that tells us one thing, and then the next one tells us the next.
So, when you're trying to do a program like Intuitive Eating layered on top of that, I don't know the answer to that because all of that is stressful, you know-
Naomi Nakamura: It is.
Melinda Staehling: It's really, really hard, and this program, I think is really, you know, Intuitive Eating is more about helping people to reestablish-
Naomi Nakamura: [crosstalk 00:18:35] capital "I," capital "E."
Melinda Staehling: Yes, like reestablish a relationship with food that feels more in balance and more back to a center. Instead of giving so much to outside circumstances, outside the scale, weight, "What does society say?", all of that, just going back to those really primitive and interoceptive qualities. "Am I hungry? Am I full? Is this satisfying to me? Do I feel good about what I'm eating?", and looking at your issues right now when you're trying to figure out, "Oh my gosh, can I eat? Can I eat crab? Can I eat avocado?", like that's-
Naomi Nakamura: Which I did not know avocado was a high histamine food.
Melinda Staehling: Why is it like the really, really good stuff. Why? Why-
Naomi Nakamura: I will say, though, right before my flare, because it was crab season in San Francisco, I was eating an obscene amount of crab. Like I really was-
Melinda Staehling: Oh, good.
Naomi Nakamura: Actually, when one of my doctors was like, even before I did the food panel bit, she's like, "You might want to consider, like if you eat shellfish, laying off shellfish," and the look on my face, like for her, she was like, "Oh," and I just said, "It's crab season," and she's like, "I understand. We don't know what's going on, but you are in so much discomfort right now. I'm trying to look for ways to help you feel more comfortable in the absence of what we don't know yet."
Melinda Staehling: Yeah, and then also, you know, is missing out on an entire crab season, is that going to be more stressful? Like is there a way to have balance-
Naomi Nakamura: I don't think anything would have been more stressful than what I was going through with this flare-
Melinda Staehling: Yeah.
Naomi Nakamura: Yeah. You know, when you're in that state, and I think, this is the first thing I've gone through this. I've never gone through anything like this before, and I have so much empathy for people who, you know, as I've shared, they've messaged me and said, "I've been dealing with this my whole life." I have so much empathy for them because unlike any other chronic condition I've had, I have never felt the symptoms. Even my worst digestive issues, I have never felt things so intense and so uncomfortable and so disruptive of my day-to-day quality of life than what I'm going through right now.
Melinda Staehling: So hard. I'm so sorry.
Naomi Nakamura: I mean, you kind of know because you've had histamine intolerance, so-
Melinda Staehling: Yeah, but that also takes a certain kind of intuition, and I think that's a different intuition than the intuitive eating.
Naomi Nakamura: So, I had a train of thought when you were just speaking and you said something about primitive. So in Human Design, the Spleen center is about intuition and it's about survival, and it's about our primal instinct and our, you know, which it is my Authority, and so any time I hear about something intuitive or intuition, like it captures my attention because I want to see, "Okay, what is this about, and is there anything I can learn from this?"
So getting back to the program, capital "I," capital "E," based upon your experience of going through it yourself, how does one start to go about being in tune with their intuition to practice Intuitive Eating?
Melinda Staehling: I think you might start by just picking up the workbook and seeing, you know? I think that it's one of those things that you might want to have a framework for just because whenever you say "intuitive eating," everybody thinks that they know, they say, "Oh, like I eat pizza all day," you know? Like that's-
Naomi Nakamura: So, what was your experience as you went through the workbook?
Melinda Staehling: My experience, as I tried to go through it on my own, was that it was hard, and maybe I just know myself now that I really need a buddy and I need people to bounce off ideas with-
Naomi Nakamura: What about it was hard?
Melinda Staehling: I think that it's one of those things that takes a long time to soak in, and then I would just sort of lose track of where I was, and I wasn't progressing, you know? Now that, I see why it's sort of paced out and I see why people do these groups. It's very popular, you know, like-
Naomi Nakamura: Oh, is it?
Melinda Staehling: [crosstalk 00:22:11] these groups? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very popular to do it this way in a group setting, and I see why people do that because it's, you want to have people to talk to.
The first week, we did "reject the diet mentality" principle, and I was thinking about how long it's taken me and how I'm just at the beginning of this journey of reading research about diet culture and learning about how many different ways that impacts people, and I was thinking, "How can I share this information?", but it's a long journey. It's one of those things that doesn't happen overnight. So-
Naomi Nakamura: And it's probably not leaning year either.
Melinda Staehling: No, it's not, and you've learned you have to look at your own history and in the context of society, and how much there is to unpack with all of that. So-
Naomi Nakamura: And a lot, there's like, I mean society in terms of like American society, but there's also our own cultures, and then also just within our generational familial environments too-
Melinda Staehling: Sure. Like what were all the food rules that you had when you were growing up in your family? Like in your own family, and then were there cultural food rules too that you followed?
Naomi Nakamura: Well, the one that comes to the top of my head is, you don't waste food.
Melinda Staehling: Yeah.
Naomi Nakamura: So, you know, and it's coming from parents and grandparents who grew up during the depression. So for them, wasting food is like the worst thing in the world because they had so little of it during the toughest times in their lives. So to see, you know, us grandkids not finish our meal or leave food on the plate was like the most horrific, ungrateful thing we could do.
Melinda Staehling: Sure, and we have to look at why they were doing that, you know? They made those rules to protect you and because they experienced so much.
Now at present day, that probably has a lot to do with when you're hungry and when you're full, you know? Maybe you feel guilty when you leave food on the table at a restaurant.
Naomi Nakamura: [crosstalk 00:24:04]-
Melinda Staehling: Not you. Maybe-
Naomi Nakamura: [crosstalk 00:24:06] away from them, it's almost like freedom. Like I don't have to clean my plate, especially if I didn't like it-
Melinda Staehling: Oh, [crosstalk 00:24:12]. There you go. Totally. "I don't have to do this anymore. Okay."
Naomi Nakamura: Exactly.
Melinda Staehling: [crosstalk 00:24:19]-
Naomi Nakamura: It's like the kid who used to throw the vegetables to the dog under the table.
Melinda Staehling: Yeah. That was totally, you know, that's your intuitive eater right there saying, "Okay, no more of that."
Naomi Nakamura: So how are things different for you now? Like what would you say were some incremental, even like the slightest changes that you've seen within yourself?
Melinda Staehling: That if I have a migraine and my brain instantly goes to, "Oh, I wasn't eating clean enough," you know? "I didn't eat perfectly last week." I can squelch that voice down a little bit more quickly and know that it could be a lot of different things, and maybe it was because my schedule was overwhelmed and I was having a really busy time and I wasn't giving myself a chance to relax-
Naomi Nakamura: Or it was really hot and you couldn't like get a good night's sleep, and what kind of stress is that going to have on your system?
Melinda Staehling: Exactly, or I didn't have enough water or maybe I just have shitty genetics, you know? Who knows-
Naomi Nakamura: Yeah. I think we spend so much time focusing on like what's on our plate because that is something we have control over, and yet, you know-
Melinda Staehling: Yeah.
Naomi Nakamura: [crosstalk 00:25:23] we know like our mind and our emotions are part of it too, but just simply saying, "Oh, meditate," like of course meditation's important, but to really unpack, and I'm going through this process now where I'm really trying to explore what deep rest means to me, because I really don't think I've ever experienced it before in my life. No, you have to go through and unpack what those other things are for you, and this is part of why it can take a really, really long time and it can be really, really hard, and a lot of people aren't willing to go there.
You know, I got a lot of Instagram followers because I was a 21-Day Sugar Detox coach. So a lot of people came to follow me, and then as I shifted to talk more about Human Design and the reason I did that, you know, a lot of people say, "Oh, you did quite a huge shift." I'm like, "I don't see it as a shift. I see it as an expansion," because I felt like so much emphasis was placed in the physical part, but there wasn't a whole lot, I didn't place a whole lot of, or provide a whole lot of space to explore the emotional and the mental part, and for me, Human Design is the framework that's helped me to do that.
You know, the minute you start talking about those things, people leave. That's fine. Human Design is not for everybody, but it's almost like in unwillingness to go beyond that physical part to explore the deeper layers of what there is to this whole thing-
Melinda Staehling: Yeah.
Naomi Nakamura: If that makes sense.
Melinda Staehling: It makes a lot of sense. I think this is like getting to part two of our conversation.
Naomi Nakamura: Yeah.
Melinda Staehling: Yeah.
Naomi Nakamura: Where we're talking about self-trust and stepping into a leadership role. Have you noticed how maybe you have come to trust yourself more with your decisions, even moving beyond the plate in other areas, how that might have had impact in other areas as well?
Melinda Staehling: I think it takes a lot to step away from that framework, from focusing so much on the food as being your, I keep coming back to the word "crutch," but it's more like safety, you know? When you find that safety in other things, then you can move away from the food within yourself. So, yes. I do. I do feel like I have been able to do that.
Naomi Nakamura: Yeah, and we're having a follow-up episode just for people to let you know that we're actually going to be exploring some of the other aspects of your experience with that, specifically around some of the health issues that you have been dealing with.
Yeah. What else? I'm kind of drawing a blank right now.
Melinda Staehling: I think we talked about intuitive eating. I think that we, that was [crosstalk 00:27:44]-
Naomi Nakamura: Yeah, and the whole point of me wanting to have this conversation was saying that this is another way and it's a really, really big way for us to, again, learn how to practice self-trust, because this is something that we're never taught anywhere. Like where in our life are we ever taught to practice self-trust? In fact, I think a lot times, just through society, we are conditioned to not trust ourselves, and that's why we fall into like, you know, these crutches that you talked about.
So, I think based upon my own personal experiences and clients that I've worked with and peers that I've spoken to, when you can learn to trust yourself, that is the most freeing thing in the world, and that is empowering, and that gives you confidence in the decisions you can make for yourself beyond your plate, in your relationships, in your work, in your hobbies, and whatever it is you do. When you do that, you are stepping into a self-leadership role, and I think that's something that at least I would imagine people who listen to this podcast are interested in.
Melinda Staehling: Yeah, and you can do that in little ways and you can do that in big ways. You know, I think sometimes I look back over the last few years, in some ways, you know, the pandemic and going through all of that has made our lives really, really small. We weren't used to having everything being so closed off, but at the same time, it gave us lot of opportunity to just slow down and practice the things that you're talking about.
Naomi Nakamura: We all had to be comfortable being home, and I know that was hard for a lot of people. I'm a homebody. I've worked from home for over a decade. So, you know, actually-
Melinda Staehling: [crosstalk 00:29:22]-
Naomi Nakamura: Well, and I actually got a little bit sad when things started to open up a little bit more, because it just felt so nice that everybody was forced to be like me and be home. You know what I mean?
Melinda Staehling: Yeah. I know, and now that things are opening back up, I think that that's another opportunity to practice this self-trust, you know? Things that we might have, and I see because I work so closely with some of my clients that I see how hard that can be, you know?
Naomi Nakamura: Yeah.
Melinda Staehling: If you've been in your home and now you have this one way of being, and now we're going back to another way, but we don't want it to be exactly the same as the old way. I don't think it can be the same-
Naomi Nakamura: Well, I mean, for example, I've had a gym membership for 18 years, actually probably longer, but I was actually only serious about going to the gym like in 2004 when the new Gold's open in my neighborhood.
So ever since then, I have always made it a priority to go to the gym, and during the pandemic, my gym actually, they put all of us on membership hold. So I didn't pay anything at all because we couldn't go, and then as things started to open up, I still kept my membership on hold, but through all those years, the reason I went is that I could never work out at home. I just could never make myself do it. Like back in the day, I used to take up, remember when MTV had those workout videos or DVDs? Like I bought those-
Melinda Staehling: Yeah, yeah.
Naomi Nakamura: And I would try and do them, and I'd do them for like five minutes and then I'd sit on my couch and eat Oreos watching the rest of it because they did good music, you know?
Melinda Staehling: [crosstalk 00:30:47].
Naomi Nakamura: So, I never trusted myself to be able to do that, but the pandemic forced me; if I wanted to stay active, and I had to, because you know, we weren't able to go outside and move our bodies, and the only way for me to move my body was to figure out how to work out at home. So that helped me to redefine what workouts can be, and also, I can actually do it at home and I actually, for the first time in 18 years, I don't have a gym membership because they got to the point where they were like, "No, we're open now. So we're not going to put your membership on hold, and if you have a medical issue, you need like a note from your doctor," and I'm like, "Screw this. I am not going to have justify myself to give you a note from my doctor."
So, I just canceled it all together, and I'm just relying on home workouts, and it's been fine. You know, obviously I can't do a whole lot now because I can't sweat because I [crosstalk 00:31:34] my skin, but I trust myself to be able to take care of how my body needs to move. You know, I feel that I can do that for myself and not have to rely on going to this one place.
Melinda Staehling: I know. I became a mobile personal trainer during the pandemic, you know? I never knew that was going to be in the cards. That was something, you know, so now I go to people's homes and I get to experience that happening for so many people that never knew that they wanted to work out at home and I don't think they're ever going back to the gym.
Naomi Nakamura: No-
Melinda Staehling: [crosstalk 00:32:04]-
Naomi Nakamura: Because now I'm like, now that I know I can do this at home and I pay $80 a year for my Apple Fitness+ and I get new workouts every Sunday night, why would I then have to get in my car and drive to the gym? Like that's my whole thing, right? Why would I have to get in the car to drive to the gym where then like I would then have to pay extra for a trainer to lead me through it when my Apple Fitness+ has trainers that lead me through it, and the only thing I really do miss is the pool because I really love to swim. To me, that's one of my favorite ways to exercise. So obviously I can't do that at home, and that's a trade-off I'm willing to make.
Melinda Staehling: Yeah. I never thought I would have a home gym, and now I have a home gym, but I do like going to the "gym" gym too. I'm happy that I can go back to the gym-
Naomi Nakamura: Yeah.
Melinda Staehling: And just mess around because that's fun too.
Naomi Nakamura: That's my home gym.
Melinda Staehling: Home gym.
Naomi Nakamura: Yeah. So, I just really thought this, you know, was really curious about your Intuitive Eating club and then how it just really lends to this whole trip that I'm on with, "How do we come to trust ourselves? How do we learn to trust ourselves?", and there's many different ways of doing it and this is one way, but you know, when we're able to trust ourselves, again, we take a leadership role in our own lives, which I really challenge everybody to think about. Do you have a leadership role in your own life? How do you envision that, and is that something that you practice now? I think it's different for everybody, but I think it's a question worth considering.
Melinda Staehling: Yeah. One of the hardest parts about starting this book club was, for me, not being the expert, and knowing that I was going to have people, some that I know very well and other people that I'd never met before, because when you start something like this online, you never know who's going to show up the first time. It's kind of a surprise.
Naomi Nakamura: Yeah.
Melinda Staehling: And realizing that, you know, we could all be there and, for lack of a better word, like hold space for each other, but you know, everybody came with that authority of their own life and they're there for a reason, and it's not a counseling program. It's for people to explore their own feelings and learn some things about themselves. For me, I just realized like, "Oh, I can just sort of give it up and see what happens and let it unfold."
Naomi Nakamura: So, on that note, can people still join?
Melinda Staehling: Not this round. I think we're [crosstalk 00:34:19]-
Naomi Nakamura: So what is the next round? And in that case, how can people get on your wait list or get in contact with you until you decide when that next round is?
Melinda Staehling: Yeah. I mean, I don't really have a plan to run it again yet because I think I really, really am in this exploration stage. Like I said, I wanted to go through this just as much for me as a process and see how it unfolded as you know, I don't have any, right now, intentions of running another one. So we'll see, but if people want to say hello, my website is www.Melinda Staehlingstaehling.com and my Instagram is @Melinda StaehlingStaehling. So-
Naomi Nakamura: I'll link to those in show notes, but can I just say that what you just said so aligns with your Human Design.
Melinda Staehling: Tell me how. Tell me.
Naomi Nakamura: Well one, you're a Manifesting Generator, so you have a lot of interests, and that's perfect for you, right? I mean, every time I talk to you have something new going on: you have knitting, you have cooking. You have, you know, I didn't even know you got your personal training certification, and one day you're like, you have training clients, and I'm like, "I can't keep up with you. You have so much going on," but when you come talked about wanting to experience it and go through the experience, that is your 6/3, the third line is all about learning through experience, trial and error. That's how, I'm a three as well. That's how we gain our wisdom, by experiencing things for ourselves.
It's so funny when I, with my friends whose designs that I know, and I just, I literally just see them going through life or even hear words they say. They have no idea how much it just is, it's they're Human Design speaking and they just don't even know it.
Melinda Staehling: Love it, love it. I know. That's why I was just thinking before I came on, because it has been quite a while since we've done a podcast episode. Not since we've talked, but it's like, "Wow, she really picked topics that I've stuck with. [inaudible 00:36:01]," you know, considering I have so many things that I'm into all of the time.
Naomi Nakamura: Well, you'll share something and it'll pique my interest. I'm like, "Well, if it piques my interest, it's going to pique the interest of somebody else's into the show. So let's have a conversation about it," and I've always said that this show is not about getting experts. It's about real life stories and people sharing their experiences, and they may be an expert and they may not be, or they may be becoming an expert, but it's really, I feel like that's how I'm able to relate to people. I feel like, I mean, I'm 200+ episodes in, so if you're still listening, I kind of feel like that is also how you as a listener would relate as well.
Melinda Staehling: Yeah.
Naomi Nakamura: So thank you, my friend. We will have a follow-up episode next week talking about some of the other things going on in your life and how all these topics tied together. So thank you.
Melinda Staehling: You are welcome. It was fun to talk catch up a little.
Naomi Nakamura is a Health x Human Design coach who’s creating a healthier society through aligned energy.
She blends a bespoke mix of Functional Nutrition and Human Design to help others shift into alignment to leverage and correctly manage their energy to support their body, mind, and spirit.
She believes that when we embrace our authenticity and lean into our bio-individuality, we naturally live a life of freedom, empowerment, and optimal health.
Naomi resides in the San Francisco Bay Area and can often be found exploring the area with her puppy girl, Coco Pop!
Connect with Naomi on: Instagram
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